mixed valium + half an oxy
i didnt have enough oxy toget high with for some fucking reason
idont like howshaky if makes me tho. makesit hard to doanythibg
i feel hood gho. happy; lots oflaughter.
body feels like static
once i reach the peak of my high, its already slipping away like sand through my fingers.
i dont know if that means im doing something wrong, or im already building a tolerance, but its exhausting trying to chase the feeling and make it last forever when ive only just reached it
theres no feeling like it either;; just permanent, mindless fuckin bliss and ecstasy.
the things i hated at first ive learned to love, like the weighted feeling, the slowness of time, ect... for once, i dont feel anything at all
it makes me never wanna come down,, but i dont want to go through all i have too soon;
i wanna make what i have worth it and fuck it really is
i think i get why my brother threw his whole life and all of us away for this feeling
out of curiousity (or stupidity and needing smth to kill my boredom) i took some codeine tabs at school today
the first one made me really zoned out and tired, and idk if i was sleeping in class bc of it or bc i slept shitty the night before.
when i went into the bathroom i saw my pupils were like pushpin size, but aside from feeling slow and a bit tired, i didnt have any serious side effects.
didnt really feel high, either, just like i had a long night
maybe its because i started with oxy and so codeine isnt enough to get me feeling good??
but the night before, when i took a tab after coming down from all the oxy + weed i did, i really felt it.
or maybe it was a mess of all three that was zoning me out
realized i now need 1 and a half oxy tabs to get feeling right; idk if the weed actually makes it stronger or if its a placebo, but it feels better mixing the two.
im worried about building up a tolerance too quickly since i only have so many pills on hand, and i dont know how ill get more when im out;;
i dont wanna resort to desperate shit, maybe somebody knows somebody tho
if not i have other stuff i can try, but i like the feeling oxy gives me — like an edible high but not as intense or scary.
its calming in a way and i dont wanna lose the feeling once i start coming back down so im stuck trying to do everything i can to prolong it without taking more
i notice though, if i dont occupy myself and just lay in bed, still, with some music and focus on nothing, i rlly feel it;;
right now tho i feel good. so fucking good